Us Two Plus You

You knew, you've known for a while. It's cancer, your dying and you never thought I deserved to know, to hear it from you. You have 6 months left, or that is their guess but you don't want to see me and that hurts in my chest.

What you don't realise is that you mean so much to me, your like a father to me. It's been a while but I think about you often and wonder if you still smile. Do you remember my children? You've only met one and they won't know the man that you are. They won't see who you once where. They won't remember you holding their hand or you running around to catch them and make them laugh like you did with us. They won't see you smile or laugh or even frown. They won't know that you cared or loved them. They won't know who you where.

You taught me how to tie my shoes and you helped me up when I couldn't be me. You built me up when others tore me down and you loved me without need for love in return. You protected me when you needed to, you steered me right and you felt like a friend, there to listen and offer your advice, never to judge or look down upon my choices. You cared and you listened, you helped and just been there. How can I just forget that your there. Just a few miles away and I can't just come, just give you a hug and tell you just how much you are loved.

I watched you get married and smile and love. I watched you live and now I don't get to say goodbye. It's not something your giving to me and I understand it's your wish but I wish it wasn't true. My heart hurts when I think about you not being here. You'll never be there to give me away. You'll never watch as my children grow and learn. You won't know who I become or where I'll end up and I miss you for that.

You won't be here for Christmas nor will you see another birthday. It's oh so close now but just so far away. You have weeks now, not months and I can't breathe when I think about a world where you don't exist.